Hundreds of confused grandpas stormed the beaches of Normandy, France last week, united in their conviction that WWII “is not over.”
Retired army veteran Hank Thomas was one of the privates re-retaking Normandy that day. According to his daughter, Sharlene, Hank “noticed our son, Timmy, playing one of his war games on the TV and mistook it for actual footage. Before we knew it, his war room was empty and Hank was on the next Carnival cruise to Europe.”
The day in question was July 12th. According to European beachgoers, it began as a day like any other: the French sun shined down on a bouquet of perfect human specimens lying supine on the sand and painting one another in oils as they debated the egalitarian principles of liberty, truth, and fraternité. Suddenly, one citizen noted some two-hundred white-haired American grandpas speeding toward the public beach on red, white, and blue jet-skis. Some of the grandpas appeared to carry a standard-issue M1 Garand, others oxygen tanks, tubes, and pudding packs for the struggle ahead. What followed was as much a national embarrassment as it was a treatise on the land-faring capabilities of the Wave Runner jet ski, which proved unsurprisingly limited. Having little clue how to operate their jet skis, and even less how they acquired them, the old soldiers plowed headlong into the sand, burying themselves up to their necks, effectively halting their mission. The French police soon arrived on the scene and plucked the ripened Americans from the ground like turnips that were then cleaned, dressed, and placed on the next vessel bound for the United States.
Once home, the confused company of men met with distraught family members who had each filed suit against EA and Activision for producing what the families called a “ludicrous amount” of WWII-related games. Indeed, the two publishers alone are responsible for thirty of the last fifty major titles set in the WWII era: Battlefield 1942, Battlefield 1943, Medal of Honor Allied Assault, Medal of Honor Airborne, Medal of Honor Pacific Assault, Medal of Honor Heroes, Call of Duty 1, 2, and 3, Call of Duty Finest Hour, Call of Duty Roads to Victory, Call of Duty Big Red One, Call of Duty World at War, and Call of Duty WWII to name a few. Across the country, cries for the publishing giants to “stop cashing in on America’s patriots,” reached a fever pitch. Suggestions came pouring in for games that would be more helpful for the elderly to observe. “What we really need is a game about how to address the waiter at an Asian restaurant, or how to stay focused when driving past a female jogger,” a relative of Hank’s said. In response to the public outcry, EA and Activision announced they will be releasing the first in a new series of collaborative games entitled: Rising Call of Modern Duty Rising Black Pacific Ops Big Red Honor 7- Based on the events of WWII. Coming this Fall.
The day in question was July 12th. According to European beachgoers, it began as a day like any other: the French sun shined down on a bouquet of perfect human specimens lying supine on the sand and painting one another in oils as they debated the egalitarian principles of liberty, truth, and fraternité. Suddenly, one citizen noted some two-hundred white-haired American grandpas speeding toward the public beach on red, white, and blue jet-skis. Some of the grandpas appeared to carry a standard-issue M1 Garand, others oxygen tanks, tubes, and pudding packs for the struggle ahead. What followed was as much a national embarrassment as it was a treatise on the land-faring capabilities of the Wave Runner jet ski, which proved unsurprisingly limited. Having little clue how to operate their jet skis, and even less how they acquired them, the old soldiers plowed headlong into the sand, burying themselves up to their necks, effectively halting their mission. The French police soon arrived on the scene and plucked the ripened Americans from the ground like turnips that were then cleaned, dressed, and placed on the next vessel bound for the United States.
Once home, the confused company of men met with distraught family members who had each filed suit against EA and Activision for producing what the families called a “ludicrous amount” of WWII-related games. Indeed, the two publishers alone are responsible for thirty of the last fifty major titles set in the WWII era: Battlefield 1942, Battlefield 1943, Medal of Honor Allied Assault, Medal of Honor Airborne, Medal of Honor Pacific Assault, Medal of Honor Heroes, Call of Duty 1, 2, and 3, Call of Duty Finest Hour, Call of Duty Roads to Victory, Call of Duty Big Red One, Call of Duty World at War, and Call of Duty WWII to name a few. Across the country, cries for the publishing giants to “stop cashing in on America’s patriots,” reached a fever pitch. Suggestions came pouring in for games that would be more helpful for the elderly to observe. “What we really need is a game about how to address the waiter at an Asian restaurant, or how to stay focused when driving past a female jogger,” a relative of Hank’s said. In response to the public outcry, EA and Activision announced they will be releasing the first in a new series of collaborative games entitled: Rising Call of Modern Duty Rising Black Pacific Ops Big Red Honor 7- Based on the events of WWII. Coming this Fall.