Do you spend “too much time” playing video games? Live in the shadow of a successful spouse? Is your past a fiery highway of failed endeavors paved with the fragments of broken dreams? If yes to any of the above, then you need Dr. Ron Biegel’s newest book, Parachute, The Gamer’s Guide to Stopping a Life in Freefall.
In it, Dr. Biegel teaches you how to manage the finite resources of time, money, and fucks you give about leading a conventional life. The New York Times raves, “With laser precision, Dr. Biegel forecasts the scenarios every disillusioned millenial is sure to encounter, from attempting to sell artwork in coffee shops to crowdsourcing a reliable income for non-essential work.” Call in the next 72 hours and receive bonus audio tracks containing interactive exercises to empower your conversations with in-laws: “I quit my job, but am starting my own business,” “It actually has nothing to do with my degree,” and “No, you’re crying,” are just some of the many phrases you’ll deploy to command the respect that’s eluded you your entire life. Should the literature fail, every copy of Dr. Biegel’s book comes with a prop parachute to make whatever happens next look like an accident. Order now.