Vacated just twenty minutes ago when the previous tenant let his guard down, this bespoke wooden shanty hut features all the comforts of modern living you expect and a dozen extras you couldn’t possibly. Walk, run, or barrel roll through the front door and feast your eyes on the back door. Neighbors suggest you keep both shut on account of the “giant fucking mosquitoes” that fancy popping by.
Once inside, enjoy the previous owner’s collection of standing clay pots. Some of the pots will even contain dung pies you’ll want to burn for light and warmth now that the sun is no longer in play. Not a home body? Blighttown’s perpetual night life has just the thing to keep your adrenaline flowing: boulder dodging, ogre-hunting, and the townies’ favorite pastime: Guess-Which-Floorboard, the popular game show in which contestants guess which floorboard will give under their weight, leading to a biblical 500 story fall and magical quest to find your home again. When it’s time for bed, which is anyone’s guess underground, rest your weary bones on the elegant pine floorboards that show only minor signs of a struggle. Knocking on the walls upstairs, is that Santa Claus? Close, it’s the shadow monsters. They can see you when you’re sleeping, so best to burn dung pies until they lose interest, which local dirt shamans assure us has never happened. Located just 3000 miles West of your worst nightmare, this one-of-a-kind studio space is available for only three and a half souls per month. Act now because this offer, like you and the hut itself, won't last long.